ut after we remained sometime therein [in Antwerp], we grew extremely
necessitated, tradesmen being there not so rich, as to trust my Lord for
so much or so long as those in France. Yet they were so civil, kind and
charitable as to trust him for as much as they were able. But at last necessity
enforced me to return into England to seek for relief. For I, hearing my
Lord's estate amongst many more estates was to be sold, and that the wives
of the owners should have an allowance therefrom, it gave me hopes I should
receive a benefit thereby.
So being accompanied by my Lord's only brother, Sir Charles Cavendish, who
was commanded to return, to live therein or to lose his estate -- over I
went. But when I came there I found their hearts as hard as my fortunes,
and their natures as cruel as my miseries: for they sold all my Lord's estate
which was a very great one and gave me not any part thereof, or any allowance
thereout, so that few or no other was so hardly dealt withal.
Indeed I did not stand as a beggar at the Parliament door, for I never was
at the Parliament-House, nor stood I ever at the door as I do know or can
remember; not as a petitioner I am sure. Neither did I haunt the Committees,
for I never was at any as a petitioner, but one in my life, which was at
Goldsmith's Hall, but I received neither gold nor silver from them, only
an absolute refusal that I should have any of my Lord's estate.
My brother, Lord Lucas did claim in my behalf such a part of my Lord's estate
as wives had allowed them, but they told him that by reason I was married
since my Lord was made a delinquent I could have nothing nor should have
anything he being the greatest traitor to the State -- which was to be the
most loyal subject to his King and Country. But I whisperingly spoke to
my brother to conduct me out of that ungentlemanly place, so without speaking
unto them one word good or bad I returned to my lodgings, and as that Committee
was the first, so was it the last I ever was at as a petitioner.